so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize