There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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