Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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