Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
love makes seman taste better
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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