my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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