dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
