i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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