is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Houston, we have a squirter
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
