you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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