If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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