I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
