I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
