I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
