I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize