I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
