Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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