my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
