YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
