Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize