he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
