Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
