I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
