It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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