Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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