Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
