Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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