Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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