I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
