it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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