I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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