just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
