i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
