guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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