Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
