Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
