Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
