Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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