WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize