did i walk over a car last night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
