and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
