She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
