That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
