the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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