She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
