Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize