I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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