I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
