Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
