I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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