my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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