I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
