and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
