I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
