doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
