saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
