The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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