just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
