idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
