Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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