my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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