I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
