I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
